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Chuck Norris As Frodo Baggins?

April 6, 2012


So I recently had a really dumb thought enter my head. “What would the story of the Lord Of The Rings look like if Chuck Norris had inherited the One Ring instead of Frodo?” Here’s how I see the scenario going down:

First, after Gandalf told him about the perils of the ring, he’d put on the ring. Sauron would sense that Chuck Norris had on the ring, which would result in his immediate implosion, along with the Ringwraiths, Orcs, Trolls and any other foul creatures. Then the ring would melt from the fire of his rage and be unmade. He’d then tell Gandalf it’s all covered and they should sit back on the porch of Bag-End, have a beer and blow smoke rings. After Gandalf made a few “clever” smoke rings that out did his, Chuck would give him the “impending roundhouse-kick look” which would out an end to that. The End. No messy tragedy, trials, death, etc. What’s more, he wouldn’t even think twice about it.

Like any of you reading this, even I have to admit the idea is idiotic on so many levels (and yet awesome on just as many). It ruins the whole genius of the story. All the pain and agony of the journey to Mordor is meant to be that way. There is nothing that is needless in the story.

I have come to see our salvation like that. There is nothing needless, superfluous or random. All is meant for our salvation. Sure, it would be nice for there to be a nice, neat end to all of it. Why have the pain, the suffering, the anguish of this life? It is the process that brings us to salvation.

As we complete Great Lent and move into Holy Week, I see that it can be no other way. It really is a BRIGHT sorrow. All of it is ultimately for my salvation, though it is painful to go through. And like Chuck Norris getting the ring instead of Frodo, anything other than the life we now live – any so-called quick fix – would simply ruin the story, so to speak. Just as the psalmist learned to praise God in the midst of his trials, may we praise Him for the story of our life, no matter how painful it is.

May your Holy Week be blessed.

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. May 1, 2012 6:29 pm

    I have really been coming to believe and accept this more recently – that nothing is needless or random, all is for our salvation. In addition to that, this: A man’s heart deviseth his way; but the LORD directeth his steps. Helps me keep my chin up! And now I can also laugh at the random thought of Chuck Norris as Frodo. Ack! The LOTR movie adaptation was one of the few that, imho, actually got it all right – just as I had imagined it as a teenager!

    • May 4, 2012 8:56 am

      That’s awesome. I like the Proverbs reference. I know we read Proverbs during Lent, but I need to read it more throughout the year, as well as the Psalter.
      When I first heard about the LOTR movies, I was so stoked. I thought of the same idea when I was 13! I, however was a bit disappointed with some of the creative license in the story line. I know that one couldn’t stick to every element in the story, or else it would be tedious, but I think some of their changes were both less exciting, and not true to the story, or even the spirit of it. But that’s just me. I’m glad another LOTR fan is commenting here though… 🙂

      • May 4, 2012 8:59 am

        You know, I read those books so long ago, I must have missed where they changed the storyline in the movie. That would have probably annoyed me too had I noticed 🙂

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